They say it's supposed to get better over time. I guess that's so, but occasionally, at least in my estimation, one is bound to have a bad day. Or week.
You know - you try your best to put her out of your mind, keep your thought process occupied. Watch a movie, read, go out. Sooner or later, you're going to be alone with your thoughts. Close your eyes and she's there. Eventually you fall asleep in the hopes that tomorrow will be better, easier.
Then someone mentions her in an anecdote or shows a picture with her in it. The cycle repeats. Thoughts flood - what it was like, what it would've been like. You've been down that road before, you know the end: bitter realization. But like a junkie aching for a fix, you choose to travel that road anyway, just to capture a moment of the bliss that once was.
You look at the calendar and automatically (and pathetically) you know how long it's been. Three days shy of one year and five months. You'll never get over her. She's always there, in the back of your mind. Every time you get in your car, go to the store, fill up your gas tank - some things will always be different.
She was the one. You know that now. And ever since you've been chasing 'Rosa.
The only thing you can do is take a shot and say a prayer.
Perhaps I can best express myself through a monologue from the film Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, starring the great Bill Shatner:
Aspen Apostle's Creed
I believe in a Dodge, the Aspen - one of the coolest cars in all the earth
and in Joseph Schell, its one of many friends
who brought it to L-Town and bore it for all to see
who suffered under Pontius James Todd, data structures, then left and married
he has the power to make Aspen ride again
I believe in the Aspen's spirit,
the HondaRosa too,
the laying on of hands,
the resurrection of the Aspen,
and its life everlasting,
Amen.
"We are gathered here today to pay final respects to our honored dead. But it should be noted that this death takes place in the shadow of new life, the sunrise of a new world; a world that our beloved comrade gave [her] life to protect and nourish. [She] did not feel this sacrifice a vain or empty one, and we will not debate [her] profound wisdom at these proceedings. Of my friend, I can only say this: of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, [hers] was the most... human."
