Thursday, February 08, 2007

Faster than Walt Flanagan's dog...

Have ya'll seen those commercials for Focus Factor? It's some sorta multi-vitamin marketed as speed that probably doesn't work, but the interesting thing about them is C.E.O. and spokesman Rob Graham. Rob's sporting some sweet, molting mullet-tude in this spot. He looks familiar, mmm... Then it hit me the other day - it's Walter Flanagan! None other than Fan Boy himself. If you don't know, Flanagan is the manager of Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash in Redbank, NJ. Once called the "Lon Chaney of the 90's," Walter has appeared in several ViewAskew productions, including 1994's critically acclaimed Clerks.

Tell 'em, Steve Dave!

Tell 'em, Steve Dave!

On a related note...

...We get Milk-Bone dogbiscuits for our dogs, and there's this dude on the back that looks familiar. Ever seen any Happy Madison production (i.e. Adam Sandler movie)? It's Allen Covert, who has appeared films such as The Wedding Singer and Big Daddy. He recently starred in Grandma's Boy. I guess the Milk-Bone gig is just supplemental income...

What I'm saying is all I really want is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be all right.
What I'm saying is all I really want is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be all right.

Friday, February 02, 2007

She was the one. I know that now...

They say it's supposed to get better over time. I guess that's so, but occasionally, at least in my estimation, one is bound to have a bad day. Or week.

You know - you try your best to put her out of your mind, keep your thought process occupied. Watch a movie, read, go out. Sooner or later, you're going to be alone with your thoughts. Close your eyes and she's there. Eventually you fall asleep in the hopes that tomorrow will be better, easier.

Then someone mentions her in an anecdote or shows a picture with her in it. The cycle repeats. Thoughts flood - what it was like, what it would've been like. You've been down that road before, you know the end: bitter realization. But like a junkie aching for a fix, you choose to travel that road anyway, just to capture a moment of the bliss that once was.

You look at the calendar and automatically (and pathetically) you know how long it's been. Three days shy of one year and five months. You'll never get over her. She's always there, in the back of your mind. Every time you get in your car, go to the store, fill up your gas tank - some things will always be different.

She was the one. You know that now. And ever since you've been chasing 'Rosa.
The only thing you can do is take a shot and say a prayer.


Aspen Apostle's Creed

I believe in a Dodge, the Aspen - one of the coolest cars in all the earth
and in Joseph Schell, its one of many friends
who brought it to L-Town and bore it for all to see
who suffered under Pontius James Todd, data structures, then left and married
he has the power to make Aspen ride again
I believe in the Aspen's spirit,
the HondaRosa too,
the laying on of hands,
the resurrection of the Aspen,
and its life everlasting,
Amen.

Perhaps I can best express myself through a monologue from the film Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, starring the great Bill Shatner:

"We are gathered here today to pay final respects to our honored dead. But it should be noted that this death takes place in the shadow of new life, the sunrise of a new world; a world that our beloved comrade gave [her] life to protect and nourish. [She] did not feel this sacrifice a vain or empty one, and we will not debate [her] profound wisdom at these proceedings. Of my friend, I can only say this: of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, [hers] was the most... human."

this death takes place in the shadow of new life

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Has anybody seen Tim’s tambourine?

Growing up fat, one catches a lot of television. A lot. Some programs, which could easily be passed over to the casual viewer, don’t escape the attention of those passionately devoted to the ‘tube. If it was on, chances are I caught it – even if the quality of its storyline & production value don’t merit any critical commendation. One program that will never leave my memory is the 1986 television adaptation of the Jill Murphy children’s book, The Worst Witch. Originally produced for U.K. television, The Worst Witch enjoyed substantial airplay on HBO in the 80’s.

Now, this was more of my little sister’s kind of program. The story is about a young student at a witch academy who must endure the ostracization of schoolmates and the distrust of the school faculty. Learning to be a witch and coping with adolescence can be so trying. Mmm, the precursor to Potter?? I wonder if Murphy’s lawyers (or solicitors or barristers or whatever) had anything to say about Rowling’s success. But I digress.

Girls, girls!!!Well, to tell you the truth, it’s not really good. In fact, it’s quite bad. But before I sell you on never seeing it, I should share with you its positives. First, Charlotte Rae. That’s right, Mrs. Edna Garrett herself. I keep waiting for Mrs. G. to call out for Tootie or little Arnold Jackson-Drummond. Rae is so classic in everything, including her recent comments in the press, throwing down the gauntlet to Joan Collins. She may be going senile, but she will live on through Family Guy references.

The best Bond girlAlso, Witch features Dame Diana Rigg (The Avengers, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, The Great Muppet Caper). Like conservative pundit Tammy Bruce, I have a thing for Emma Peel. I guess I was born 40 years too late. Interestingly, the lead role is supplied by a young Fairuza Balk (Waterboy, American History X), as a harbinger of her breakout role in The Craft ten years later.

Anywho, to get to my point, the show-stealer is legendary Tim Curry, who plays the quasi-Dumbledore-ish “Grand Wizard.” The G.W. is revered by the witch community, who has accorded him rock-star status. When he arrives for Halloween, he breaks into song for all of the young witches. Now this is quite possibly the greatest thing to be shown on Home Box Office in the 80’s (next to Fraggle Rock and Video Jukebox). Really, this is the only part of the movie you need to see. Just watch below and don’t bother with the rest.

But this got me thinking - What all has Tim done? Let’s see, there was Dr. Frankenfurter, of course - the role he created and is immortalized for (although I don’t really get the fascination with Rocky Horror), plenty of theatre work, and there are countless voice-over parts in animated features and shows. But everything else is supporting/character roles. I mean this guy is British for crying out loud (that’s significant, because, to quote Kevin Smith, “the Brits invented acting”).

He’s been nominated for Tony’s, Emmy’s, a Razzie, and he’s actually won a Daytime Emmy. I think he’s a fine actor, if not a great one. He’s the reason behind many people’s fear of clowns, as he brought to life the evil Pennywise in the television adaptation of Stephen King’s IT. But to think he’ll never win an Oscar, it’s kinda sad – like sad in the way that Raul Julia's film legacy ended with Street Fighter. I think Curry is far better than just another character actor. See below to see why. No, scratch that - watch IT to see why. Watch the video below to see cheesy 80's British television.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

"Because Hospice cares..."

from FoxNews.com

Hospice Helps Dying Man Lose His Virginity

[London] Thanks to a church-run hospice, one disabled man was granted his dying wish: to lose his virginity. 22-year-old Nick Wallis, who has muscular dystrophy, had hoped to experience sex before he died. After telling staff at the Douglas House hospice in Oxford of his wish, they decided to help him, reported London's Daily Telegraph. (Click here for read the original story.)

Nick Wallis: Muscular Dystrophy won't stand in the way of my dreams!Wallis had hoped to form a relationship through which to experience sex, but it just never happened. "I had hoped to form a relationship when I went to university, but it didn't happen. I had to recognize that if was to experience sex I would have to pay for it out of my savings. My mind was made up before I discussed it with anyone else," Wallis said.

"I found an advert from a sex worker in a magazine for the disabled," Wallis said. "The initial contact was by email and then by phone." It was arranged for the prostitute to visit Wallis' home while his parents went out.

"It was a decision two years in the making and I discussed it with my carers and my parents. Telling my mother and father was the hardest part, but in the end they gave me their support," Wallis told the Telegraph. The hospice staff consulted a solicitor, clergy, and health care professionals before agreeing to assist Wallis.

Sister Frances, the founder of the hospice, described Wallis as "delightful, intelligent and aware young man." "I know that some people will say 'You are a Christian foundation. What are you thinking about?' But we are here for all faiths and none," she said.

"It is not our job to make moral decisions for our guests. We came to the conclusion that it was our duty of care to support Nick emotionally and to help ensure his physical safety."

Wallis said the experience was not quite what he had hoped. "It was not emotionally fulfilling, but the lady was very pleasant and very understanding. I do not know whether I would do it again. I would much rather find a girlfriend, but I have to be realistic."

Wallis made the decision to talk about his experience as part of the BBC documentary series about life inside Douglas House and its associated children's hospice, Helen House.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Global Warming, your days are numbered...

from MSNBC.com/Newsweek:

An Unlikely Alliance
Elite scientists and evangelicals put aside their differences to save the Earth.

Jan. 17, 2007 - A group of 28 scientists and evangelical Christians today announced their commitment to working together to address global and environmental climate change--an issue that they say is pressing enough to trump any theological differences between the groups... (read more)

"Congressional liberals and hollywood celebrities hail the collaboration, touting 'We'll be okay as long as Bush doesn't cause another hurricane.'"


What happens when God teams up with science?
Pollution gets its butt kicked, that's what.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Finding Nemo:

Martha Stewart wannabes looking to bring life to the smallest room in the home now have the chance — with a toilet that doubles as an aquarium.

The aptly named Fish 'n Flush is a see-through aquarium wrapping itself around a conventional toilet tank.

"We wanted to develop a product that had a dual purpose — to serve as a proper, fully functional toilet and also as a source of entertainment and conversation," said Devon Niccole, marketing director of California-based designer AquaOne Technologies, which has just started to selling the tank.

The aquarium toilet tank sells for $299.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Those Cheating Gators...

A-ha!!! I knew something was up, I figured they were cheating somehow - they couldn't do it on their own, Florida just ain't that good. Last night in his interview with Fox Sport's Chris Myers, UF receiver Dallas Baker inadvertently showed his secret after he removed his jersey. Florida had a "12th man" involved. The cat's out of the bag - I'm on to you now, Gators...

Buckeye fans may be crying foul once they have
learned that the Lord was invoked against them.
photos © AP/John Bazemore; Fox Sports (inset)

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Twisted Jeanie

So I'm flipping channels this weekend and I caught bits and pieces of Saturday Night Live, which was a rerun of the November 11 show with Arec Bardrin. I flipped to it during the musical performance, and instead of changing the channel (which I always do - I haven't watched a music performance on SNL since Technotronic performed "Pump Up the Jam" in 1989), something caught my eye and I stayed put. The musical guest was Christina Aguilera, er um, my bad - I should say "Xtina." And when I say something caught my eye, no, it wasn't like that. (For this night, she was on the opposite end of the spectrum from her "Dirty" video, donning what appeared to be close to a zoot suit.) Rather, it was this yellow mass attached to her head. I quickly thought "Gee, that's some fluffy hair..." before I realized it was a wig that Dolly Parton herself wouldn't be caught dead in. But instead of scoffing and changing it over to Wrestle Birmingham on WTTO, I kept watching. For some reason this was familiar. Déjà vu? I don't know, but I something about her hair & make-up made me "wanna rock." I wonder if Dee Snider's attorneys were watching...