Dykstra spelled backwards is Artskyd

Today is the 10th anniversary of Harry Caray's death. Check out HomeRunDerby's article on Harry. Growing up in the 80's, when there were only 30 cable channels, exposure to the Cubs was easy via Chicago's Own: WGN Channel 9. I mean we were all watching "The Grand Prize Game" on The Bozo Show anyway. If you didn't have to turn the station so your sister could watch Nickelodeon, you were probably going to catch a Cubs game or two. You couldn't even get through a commercial break without hearing Caray's Budweiser commercials.

Movies like The Blues Brothers and Ferris Bueller's Day Off were responsible for putting Chicago and Wrigley imagery in my mind. I mean the whole world knows Wrigley Field's address, doesn't it? (1060 W. Addison) Combined with the facts that the Bears were my favorite team in the 80's and that the Barons have been the White Sox's AA farm team since circa '85, I've always had Chicago on my mind.

But I didn't really begin to immerse myself into Cub Nation until I met my first college roommate. Let's just call him "Archie." Well, Archie loves the Cubbies, and slowly but surely, he got me hooked. All those lazy college afternoons watching WGN on a 13" T.V. in the dorm, hearing Harry Caray slobbering on about players' names and pointing out all the fans' signage, all the while imagining Steve Stone carefully monitoring the number of Budweisers being consumed. Because even a newcomer to Cubs broadcasts will quickly learn that "not only is Harry a Cub fan, he's a Bud Man."

All of Harry's quirks, spitting out great names like Gary Gaetti, Andres Galarraga, Jason Isringhausen, Scott Servais, and even [by the 5th inning] Mark Grace, quickly grew on me. He loved to randomly pronounce players' names backwards. "Holy Cow" was his trademark catchphrase, no matter who else used it. Concerning it, he said this: "I started in broadcasting in 1945 doing the Cardinals and saying ‘Holy Cow.’ [Legendary NY Yankee] Rizzuto was just a shortstop. ‘Holy Cow’ is mine."

He died before the season in 1998, missing seeing the Cubs get the NL Wild Card after a one-game playoff with the Giants. It seemed fitting, Harry's passing, 90 years since the last WS - really thought for a half-second there that it could happen. Then I would really join Cub Nation when I would feel the heartache in the Divisional Playoffs that year - losing to the stinkin' Braves. The Cubs heartache and joy have only increased each year since. If only he could still be here to present it to us.

The Rocket's Code Red

Speaking of Congressman Waxman & the Rocket (see below), the PintPundit has brought to my attention this humorous take on last week's exchanges on Capitol Hill, via author David Harsanyi's blog:

Clemens: You want answers?

Congressman: I think I’m entitled to them.

Clemens: You want answers?

Congressman: I want the truth!

Clemens: You can’t handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has baseballs. And those balls have to be hit by men with bats. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Mister Waxman? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for steroids and curse HGH. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that HGH, while illegal, probably sells tickets. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, sells tickets.

You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties - you want me on that mound. You need me on that mound. We use words like fastball, slider, splitfinger - we use these words as the backbone of a life spent playing a sport. You use ‘em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and falls asleep to the very SportsCenter clips that I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide them! I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a bat and take a swing. Either way, I don’t give a [darn] what you think you’re entitled to!

Congressman: Did you order the HGH?

Clemens: I did the job you sent me to do-

Congressman: DID YOU ORDER THE HGH?

Clemens: YOU'RE [DAGGUM] RIGHT I DID!!

Who knew ice could go bad?

Countdown: this ice could become deadly in 22 months.

Did you know that ice has an expiration date? Well, it does. So please, don't become another statistic. Pay attention to your ice's expiration date, your life may just depend on it.

Tuna With a Heart

So I'm flipping through the telley this morning trying to find a channel that wasn't blathering about the Clemens hearing and I saw this guy named Congressman Waxman yipping on about who knows what. Then it hits me, he was the president of Schooner Tuna in 1983's Mr. Mom! Remember the "Tuna With a Heart"?

Howard Humphries or the distinguished gentleman from California?

The fellow in the left two images is the late Canadian character actor Graham Jarvis. Jarvis was best known for his steady work as a character actor on many, many television shows over the years, including the short-lived soap opera parody Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman. More recently he portrayed one of the grandfathers on 7th Heaven (the other was the great Peter Graves). Unfortunately Jarvis lost his battle with multiple myeloma in 2003, passing away at age 72.

Anywho, I just figured I'd share a look-alike (albeit an obscure one) for my first blawg of aught eight. Enjoy. Feel free to scroll through all my past doppelganging fun here.

Holiday Lament

You know, the holiday season gets on my nerves. I love Christmas and Hanukkah, but I prefer to wait until at least after Thanksgiving to celebrate them. But this year, as soon as Halloween was over - bam! Wal-Mart is jam-packed with those tacky inflatable blow up yard decoration thingy's. No lie - I was in Wal-Mart on November 11 and what do I hear? Karen Carpenter crooning out either "The Christmas Song" or "Merry Christmas, Darling." On November 11!!! Nothing makes my skin crawl like hearing Karen make that "oo" sound when she belts out the line "...from one tew ninety-tew..."

But that's how it usually goes, something like that (or TBS playing National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation four times a week starting after Veteran's Day) gets me hacked and it's really hard to get in the mood for Christmas. And by the time it's proper (in my estimation) to begin the Xmas festivities, we're (or at least I'm) kinda burned out. But then Christmas finally arrives, and then, like Keyser Söze - whew! It's gone.

The feeling of brevity doesn't really hit me until the decorations start going down. In particular, I will miss the storefront window painting at places like grocery stores. You know what I'm talking about, that green, red & white shoe-polish-type-paint used to say "Season's Greetings" in cursive and to make little leaves of holly. In the drive-thru at Milo's today, I found myself admiring the perfect cursive and the very good holly drawn (or stenciled) on the window. Then I quasi-sighed at the thought: "that'll be taken off tomorrow."

Regions Center in November 2005.
Photo from balaji shankar's flickr set.
Licensed under Creative Commons,
some rights reserved.

But the thing I really lament is when the special lighting on the First National building is taken down.

"During the Christmas season colored fluorescent bulbs are illuminated in each panel of the glass curtain wall, creating an enormous lit graphical display visible on the skyline from well outside the city.

The tradition began in 1972 with the display featuring Christmas trees and NOEL being spelled out along the building facade. In 1975, NOEL was replaced with JOY. Later a stocking and wreath were added to the display giving each face a different design. Currently, the east and west sides are Christmas trees, the south a wreath, and the north a stocking."

The building has had other lighting displays too, including the Olympic rings for the 1996 games, and American flags for the Bicentennial in '76 and the return of our troops from Operation Desert Storm in the early 90's. (from B'hamWiki)

So NYC's Rockefeller Center has a tree, big deal. We have our Regions Center. I've always been a fan, Downtown wouldn't be Downtown without it (I felt the same way about the green/red light on Vulcan's torch, too *sigh*). I think that they should do something with the lights more often than just Christmas (power bills & energy crisis be darned). But for now, I will try to enjoy these last remaining hours I have with the Christmas display. See you next year, Regions Center.

Regions Center in December 2006.
Photo by Dystopos. Licensed under Creative Commons, some rights reserved.

Help us Tony Dungy

Browns fans' signage at the Dec. 30 game against San Francisco, which they won 20-7. A Tennessee loss to the Indianapolis Colts would've gotten the Browns a playoff spot. The Titans beat the Colts' back up players 16-10, but still, total nerd kudos to you, Dawgpound...

The Toy You Didn't Have

I just want to take a minute and share with you a little about this book my sister gave me for Christmas. It's not your ordinary stocking-stuffer trivia book, the Uncle John's Bathroom Reader or the Jeff Foxworthy Redneck Christmas book. This is way better. It's called Just Can't Get Enough: Toys, Games, and Other Stuff From the 80's That Rocked.

Notice the cover? That's right, it's a Trapper Keeper with scratch & sniff stickers.

If you grew up in the 1980's, this is a great walk down memory lane. Authors Matthew Robinson and Jensen Karp have eerily captured all the feelings and memories I have (which apparently are universal to children of the 80's). This read is hilarious and it will make you want to break out your Ewok Village from your parents' attic.

No matter what impression
the box gives, the Flagg
did not come with any
Skystriker F-14's.

To better explain exactly how awesome this book is, I'm going to share with you an excerpt from a section of the book on the G.I. Joe playset, the U.S.S. Flagg. Remember the Flagg? Before reading any lines in the book, I saw the picture in the book and showed it to my dad. He asked what it was and I explained to him that it was like a rumor, that growing up, we only heard of kids that had it - you know, someone knew someone that went to someone's house and played with one once.

Then I read the book, and my experience was revealed to be universal - the section is entitled: "U.S.S. Flagg - The Myth. The Legend. The Toy You Didn't Have."

The U.S.S. Flagg G.I. Joe Aircraft Carrier was, without a doubt, the holy grail of 1980's toys. For its time, the U.S.S. Flagg was the biggest, most expensive, most extravagant toy imaginable. No one had this thing. It was something you heard about in hushed whispers on the playground, something spoken about in cafeteria backroom huddles. Even a picture of this thing was a valuable item - it was proof it existed.

Just like the Jessica Rabbit crotch shot in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, the U.S.S. Flagg was something everyone had heard about but no one had seen. Most toy stores wouldn't even carry the damn thing because they didn't have the shelf or warehouse space to keep it. The U.S.S. Flagg was a thing of great mystery, a decadent mirage of hope floating just below the horizon of possibility, a zeitgeist for the era we called home. . .

. . . The U.S.S. Flagg Aircraft Carrier playset was roughly the size of Shaquille O'Neal. Coming in at 7½ feet long, 3½ feet tall, and 2½ feet, the size of the U.S.S. Flagg was simply ridiculous. The thing was so big that if you gave it to your average kid, he'd have to choose between either it or his bed to remain in his room. That'd be a pretty easy choice, though - sleep on the Flagg all night, play on the Flagg all day. . .

click to enlarge

Just Can't Get Enough covers plenty more of your favorite toys and whatnot of yesteryear, from Pogo Balls to Garbage Pail Kids, with hilarious descriptions and personal anecdotes from the authors (trust me, if you grew up with this stuff, you will laugh, particularly the sections on He-Man, the Ewok Village and M.A.S.K.).

Again, I recommend it, you can probably get it wherever hilarious books are sold, as well as on Amazon here.

How Rather should've gone out

Peter Finch's famous monologue from the 1976 film Network:

Wouldn't it have been awesome if that was how Dan Rather or Tom Brokaw went out on their last brodcasts? Can't you see Brokaw doing that bit? "...on NBC Nightly News in-depth tonight, tha fleece-heeng of Ahmurhicah: I'm as mad as heuwhll, and I'm not goh 'acheit an'mohr."

I hope this is a recurring theme over the next few months. Democrats and Republicans, get mad as hell. Vote Ron Paul.